Day 11: Oh the Layers!

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I like cooking, and one of the staple vegetables I like to use as a base is often a nice, healthy onion. The thing with onions though is that I almost always peel away at least a couple layers, until the texture and look of the onion is in my opinion, "right."  Sometimes though, it looks okay on the outside, but then I cut it in half and find that just a single layer, deep in the onion is no good. Apparently, it isn't rotten as I would assume, but instead, it is a layer of "internal browning" where just this section of the onion received the effects of a calcium deficiency (causing the tissue to collapse) most likely from drought experienced by the plant during its growth. The rest of the onion is perfectly fine, apparently, but that section is underdeveloped and has, in some cases, died. I encounter myself this way too.

I enjoy it when I peel away another layer of my self, my hang-ups, my little insecurities and I come up with a consistent picture. I like to know that I'm not phoney, or different for different people. Even when I must flex in conversation and relationship, there's something comforting for me in the knowledge that I am consistent. Occasionally, that means that I'm surprised by a layer of internal browning - where some part of me suffered the effects of drought and as such didn't develop. I am imperfect, and sometimes I haven't developed everything that you can't even see I haven't developed, and that's okay. It doesn't mean that the whole of me is bad, but that one layer needs some attention - it isn't the same quality as the rest of me, and I need to get rid of it.

That's liberating to know that even if I encounter an entire layer of self that isn't "good," it doesn't mean that I'm all bad. All it means is that the circumstances of life have made an impact on me, and I must examine what I have produced with those circumstances.