Does That Make Me Crazy?

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I remember when, I rememberI remember when I lost my mindThere was something so pleasant about that placeEven your emotions have an echo in so much space

And when you're out there without careYeah, I was out of touchBut it wasn't because I didn't know enoughI just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?Does that make me crazy?Does that make me crazy?Possibly

And I hope that you areHaving the time of your lifeBut think twiceThat's my only advice

Come on now, who do youWho do you, who do you, who do you think you are?Ha ha ha, bless your soulYou really think you're in control?

Well, I think you're crazyI think you're crazyI think you're crazyJust like me

My heroes had the heartTo lose their lives out on a limbAnd all I rememberIs thinking, I want to be like them

Ever since I was littleEver since I was littleIt looked like funAnd it's no coincidence I've comeAnd I can die when I'm done

But maybe I'm crazyMaybe you're crazyMaybe we're crazyProbably

GNARLS BARKLEY - CRAZY LYRICS 

Most of you know that I work as a therapist in private practice and as an on-staff psychologist in a group of companies. One of the biggest struggles I face is in people's assumption that the need to "talk to someone" is a sign that they are slowly or swiftly "losing it." The number of times people say things like "don't judge me for saying this, but..." or "Does that mean I'm weird?" or even more popularly "Does this make me crazy?" is too vast to count. In fact, the popular song captioned above sums the experience up quite nicely. In the world of this Gnarls Barkley song, you're either crazy and delusional about it (enjoying the experience) until someone points it out to you or crazy because someone else thinks you are.

Let me just put a stake firmly in the ground and say that "crazy" is a completely clinically useless term. There is no such diagnosis in science. As far as I can explain it, crazy is a layperson's term to describe anything from an unwelcome parental decision, to an isolated piece of erratic behaviour, to foil-helmet-wearing-aimless-wondering behaviour. Crazy is a completely arbitrary term, and unless you ask some follow up questions about what that means to the uttering individual, you may be walking away with a false impression, even when you are the one throwing the word around.

I think that most people have a scary place. Most people, in my experience, have a thought or a state that feels completely intolerable to them, and most people try to avoid that place. The exception to this might be people who have a mental illness, like depression or schizophrenia. In depression, people tend to fixate on the negative or ruminate about the unpleasant truths or possibilities in their lives. The effect of this is hopelessness. In schizophrenia, depending on the type they may become paranoid about people, or experience things that are not experienced by others around them. For the general population though, I think avoidance is a huge source of people's experiences of "craziness." What I hear people saying when they say "I feel so crazy right now" or "This makes me so crazy" is that they either don't know how to understand something they're experiencing, or they have a garbled web of feelings and they feel as though they cannot sift them. That doesn't make you crazy, if by crazy you mean fallen off the face of society and now cursed to live on the outskirts as one of those unfortunate people with a problem.

ATTENTION!
We ALL have problems.
We ALL feel afraid to face the truth sometimes.
We could ALL use someone to talk to.
We ALL fail, sometimes.
We ALL experience hope deferred.
We've ALL loved someone who never loved us the same.
We ALL need to shake our fists sometimes and shout "THIS ISN'T FAIR!"
We ALL want to feel like our life matters and means something.
We ALL need a hug, a touch or a cuddle, regularly.
We ALL need someone to tell us we're not crazy, or that what's making us feel crazy too, will pass.

Let me be clear, because sometimes people experience mental illness, which is not the same as "being crazy." Being crazy seems to be a layman's description of the complete or partial loss of control of the self. It seems to be the definition for losing access to your own control in the world, and it almost always has connotations of a "lost cause." Mental illness, much like physical illness is some area of dysfunction of an individual's cognitive/emotional state. In mental illness there is assessment, diagnosis and treatment and researchers are busy at work all over the world learning more and more about how our bodies, minds and souls work together. In mental illness, there is a process to healthy or healthier behaviour - there is psychological and pharmacological treatment to help a person get back to a place where they have control or more control over their condition. There is hope for someone with mental illness, because actually we all experience ill health when sad things happen, when we feel disappointed or confused or when we do not understand. The preceding list is not meant to minimise someone's experience of an acute mental illness, but to remind us all that these are the very common things that make up a human experience.

My challenge for you today is to admit to some of the things that frighten you. Admit to the things that hurt your feelings. You don't have to tell anyone else, but if you have a trusted friend, partner or therapist, I'd encourage you to share with someone who will maintain your confidence. You're not crazy, because there is definitely hope for you. If you need help, there is absolutely no shame in that. We ALL do.