Surrendered! Or have I...

I was journalling earlier when I realised that the topic I wrote about was a lot more like a blog posting, so I switched media mid-thought. To catch you up, I was sitting there reflecting on the many preachers and teachers I've heard talking about how Christians offer God control and leadership in their life and then they periodically take it back. This is normally in response to the magnitude of "thing" that God is asking the person to give up, or the magnitude of "thing" that God is asking them to pursue. The default is to scoff at this as clear bad behaviour - of course you should be comfortable with an omniscient God, and any request that may be made of you by such a God! But...

As I lay there on my bed, leg propped up and metal hinged brace in place, I thought to myself "Why don't we be more honest, or realistic in our assessment here?" Of course, ultimately I support the idea that God is supreme and that the best course for my life is one suggested by Almighty God. That being said, I can absolutely relate to the sequence: surrender my life to a loving, Almighty, all knowing God, then encounter "A lot of life" and reconsider - even if only briefly. This is a constant pattern in my life, and I want to challenge the mindset that this is so abnormal. People act like one ought to cut that reaction out, like when you've perfected the art of being Christian, then you won't have struggles with this any more. I say that's unbiblical. My theory on this has become that surrender to the will of God is a daily activity, and that this involves some amount of tension in terms of identifying where the negativity we experience in making some of life's decisions is coming from.

Beloved, do not believe all spirits, but be distinguishing between the spirits whether they are from God, because many false Prophets have gone out into the world. 1John 4:1, Aramaic Bible in plain English

The idea that every good thing is from God, and every bad thing, from the devil is something that we Christians may have concluded as a means to settle our own unrest. Dr. Richard Beck, in his blog Experimental Theology suggests that the "Emotional burden of Monotheism" begins with this biblical suggestion, quoted below.

And One is God The Father of all, and over all, and with all and in us all. Ephesians 4:6, Aramaic Bible in plain English

To believe that God is in everything means that every event we encounter has God's presence. It means that there are going to be events in our life that make us angry and hurt and dissatisfied or disillusioned, and that there will be no means of escape from God in these, because He is in everything. Richard suggests that we Christians use the devil as a means of escape from this emotional burden. How do you trust a God who is in everything? How do you trust a God who let my mother be an orphan at 10 years old, who let those abusers  hurt those children or my best friend lose her mother at 11? How do you praise God when you can see the suffering all around? Here we can default our blame and hatred on an evil devil - these things are evil and therefore could not come from a loving, good God. Richard calls this a soft ditheism, because we can release some of our negativity on this other higher power - not a god, but still a supernatural presence that has some amount of control over what happens on earth, and can take the brunt of the Christian lamentations over earthly suffering.

Richard identified two types of believers in this theory; ones with a robust satan concept (seeing him as active in their lives) - Monotheistic Christians, and ones with an attenuated satan concept (having an abstract view, without identifying him as present in their lives) - Ditheistic Christians. He found that the Monotheistic Christians blamed God more for suffering than did the Ditheistic Christians who placed their blame on the devil. I find this an interesting idea, but I have some trouble with it. As someone coming from an Assemblies of God/ Pentecostal background, (though on the much milder end of it) I have a very robust satan concept. The general consensus is very much on testing the spirit, and the most paranoid and overly enthusiastic Pentecostal will identify the devil in pieces of jewellery and sitting pedestrians. I do believe that the devil is active and more than just an abstract concept. I believe that, but I don't think I believe that he is the cause of all suffering.

I do believe that sin is one of the causes of suffering, but not the only one. I don't know if I've mentioned it here before, but I believe that free will is the main cause of suffering. I think that when God gave us free will, it was a concept or a freedom over the entire earth. I believe that God is supreme, but that He isn't controlling with puppet strings. I believe that He has a plan and a purpose for each one of us, but that He isn't insistent that we seek it. My scripture reference is the story of the talents:

The Parable of the Talents
14“Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. 15To one he gave five talents^a of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. 17So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. 18But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.
19“After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.’
21“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
22“The man with the two talents also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.’
23“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
24“Then the man who had received the one talent came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’
26“His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
28“‘Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. 29For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. 30And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ Matthew 25, NIV

I know that that's a long insert, but I feel like it's a worthwhile read. Most of you would have read it several times before,  and here's my argument. The bible says to test the spirits; it also says that if you don't take what God has given you throughout your life when He is not necessarily "there" and multiply it for good then He will exile you into the darkness. I see this as part of that living sacrifice that the bible also talks about, the offering of control to God that I started this post about. For me, surrendering to the will of God is good and right, but when I identify suffering I see it as another opportunity to test the spirits. As a Monotheistic Christian with a robust satan concept, I understand that the devil will attempt to deceive me and bring me grief even within my Godly purpose. I feel as though I could go from being in pursuit of God's perfect will for my life and absolutely joyous about it to being in pursuit of God's perfect will for my life and completely miserable because I have assumed that everything I experience while in pursuit of this noble goal is God's will for me. I have stopped testing the spirits, because I know myself to be pursuing God. I think that is a mistake.

My theory is tied in the scripture from 1 Corinthians 13:12:

¹²For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. KJV

I often pray for discernment and to be increasingly more sensitive to the Holy Spirit's urgings, but I feel as though until I get to heaven, I will always be just hopeful that I am following the will of God. So if that means that every few days on the wings of a surrendered life I have to say "Uhhm, on second thought..." so be it.