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Friday, 18 January 2013

The Suffrage to Love

Grant us the space to open our arms 
To every pain You have in store. 
The realities of sacrifice 
Let us know there is always more

Grant me the grace to love myself,
Even when I am truly seen.
Let the words of my heart be painted out
In the Love that I can glean 

What does it mean when Love graces me?
How can I stand the title?  

Grant us the grace to acknowledge 
That we must choose and take Love. 
Teach us a lesson of futility 
That we might never assume.

What does it mean when Love graces me?
How can I stand the title?  

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Optimal Foraging Theory

Yesterday, I went walking with my namesake and friend near her house. She lives in a lovely little nook of a neighbourhood that manages to nest itself (as developed as it is) in a vast sea of wildlife and greenery. As I pulled my car to a stop near a hedge of ivy, there were two birds in a little stream along the edge of the fence. These birds were at the very edge of the stream's bank and I saw one of them forcefully jab his beak into the swiftly flowing water. To my surprise, I saw him pull out a huge object from the water - don't ask me what that was, I have no idea, but relative to a little bird this was a huge something to be pulling out. I saw the other bird hop along the bank and attempt the same move, but he came up with nothing.

Source

There was another bird, a Kiskadee (pictured above) that approached from a high point of the ivy hedge, but s/he didn't descend. Instead, I watched the Kiskadee observe these other birds. I don't know if the Kiskadee thought they were wasting their time in the drain, or if s/he thought s/he'd wait to see what they came out of their hunt with. I thought suddenly "They're foraging!" like that was some epiphany, but it just dawned on me that foraging is such an absolutely foreign concept to the human experience. Isn't it? I mean in western society I think the biggest drive is in knowing how to afford sustenance (I'm using the term sustenance loosely here to mean not just food, but everything we think we need to survive). Most of us aren't going around looking for food. Right?

As soon as I agreed with myself that no, most of us weren't going around looking for food, I realised that in some ways, that is exactly what we're doing. Consider the three specimens; one bird dived in beak first, full speed ahead without invitation or support. He came out with a huge find. The other bird followed his lead, but was further up the stream than the first bird, and found nothing. The third bird observed everything that happened before he decided to do anything one way or the other. Do you see anything familiar there? I saw human parallels in that, where the food is more of a life sustenance, an energy source. Some people watch what others are doing before they make a decision, some follow immediately in someone's footsteps, and some dive straight in and follow their gut reactions.

The Optimal Foraging Theory (OFT, MacArthur & Pianka, 1966) suggests that a species would probably evolve to have the most efficient means of harvesting resources, that is, it will use the least energy in the smallest space with the greatest margin of return. The theory suggests that the patch or site of foraging should only be expanded to the point where the units of harvested energy exceed the spent energy. This will include not only the type of food acquired (i.e. level of preference & nutrition for specific foods), the number of competitors and the distance to acquire food. I found this interesting as a concept, and I wondered if we were an efficient species under the lens of OFT. To make it more personal, I wondered if I was efficiently harvesting sustenance from my environment based on a theory of optimal foraging.

In the days of social media, we are bombarded with data. I was going to call it "information," but some of the things I encounter on social media inform me of nothing - data feels more appropriate because it describes the raw harvested substance. OFT looks at levels of sustenance, or energy retained from each food source collected and the length of time that that food source provides energy to the forager. What could this mean for us when the energy sources represent things we collect to propel us forward in our life? Energy sources to humans can come from food, but they can also come from other people, books, television, movies and activities. On social media, energy sources can come from not only direct interaction with other people, but also the various memes, gaming applications and fan or support pages.

OFT could explain why some people have 3000 friends and redistribute memes 50 times a day, while others respond with "K" to a novella posted on their page, and whose last activity was a month ago. OFT is also an interesting measuring stick for our own efficiency in harvesting energy. Are you collecting more energy than you're expending in searching for, defending and consuming life? I hope this isn't too abstract a metaphor, but which bird are you? Which bird do you think is most efficient, and do you think each bird is in the same position? What I mean is, what if the bird who dove straight in pulled out a useless, heavy piece of wood with no nutritional value? What if he strained his neck muscles from hastily grabbing at the biggest thing he could find? What if the bird who was further up the stream caught guppies right after I got out of my car? And what if my observing Kiskadee doesn't even eat out of streams, but strictly eats berries?

To make it human, I consider my own position in life. I am energised so much by diversity. I would move to Iceland or the Falkland Islands at the drop of a hat if I thought that was right for me, just because I am hungry for information about people and lifestyles and just different ways of being. Living in a place where I feel like nothing changes literally makes me tired. For others, they could think of nothing worse than moving all the time, or going to a strange place where they don't know anyone. They might get energy from being close to home and knowing that their well known community is only a short distance away. We have a different context, and our energy sources are different. If we try to find energy from the other's source, we'll never have enough. This is another reason why I think it's so important to learn yourself. I say "learn" and not "understand" because the latter sounds as though you do some exploration and at some point you understand what you found. I don't think human beings are simple enough to be understood entirely - I think it's more about continuously learning something new about yourself and reactions.

According to OFT, depending on the environment, preference of species and existence of competition, a foraging niche is formed. This is the patch where the least energy is expended for the greatest return in sustenance for the forager. I use this to ask myself the following questions:

1.) What gives me energy (what are my food sources/is my sustenance)?
2.) What are my preferred sources of sustenance?
3.) Who is competing with me for what I want?
4.) Is my energy to get sustenance greater or less than the sustenance I receive?

Then, I find my niche. My calculations show that it'll take the rest of my life, or I'll be finding different little niches for the next 60 or so years. Here we go! :) 

Sunday, 13 January 2013

We'd Be Held

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Two months is too little, they let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair
 
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour
Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held - HELD by Christa Wells


Sunday, 6 January 2013

Funday Feelings: Exploring Love Part 3

Hello my friends, it's nice of you to drop by. Did you read all thirty-one days of fun? It was really just meant to last until the end of the year, but I've definitely found myself wanting to chronicle every day of 2013 so far.  The truth is that the month of fun changed my life, and I think there is one main lesson that I got from it:

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What's Love Got To Do With It? 
I've mentioned some of the challenges that I encountered, when I got carried away with enjoying my life in the last post, but I want to expand on those now. One of the hardest things to deal with is the fact that there are consequences to all action. I think selfishness says "Consequences be damned!" and love says "Will this bring good after this moment, to me and all around?"

The really challenging part is in the fact that selfishness, if by selfishness you mean an awareness of one's own desires, needs and hopes, is necessary. My motivation for implementing a month of fun was that I spent most of my time reviewing my responsibilities, making sure I was doing right by everyone, and wondering why on earth I felt this deep seated fatigue in my existence. I decided to try a month of fun because I didn't really know what it felt like to just enjoy everyday that I was alive. I wanted to truly live, instead of just exist. I'm not the only, or the first person to struggle with that. The alternate side is that there is something really ugly about being selfish in the more common definition - concerned with and actively promoting one's own benefit, even to the detriment of others.

I have seen and been party to situations where the fun philosophy lead to heartache, and in the blog's spirit of full disclosure, I'd like to elaborate on the fun philosophy inside the principle of now, inside the even larger principle of love. I want you all (and myself!) to experience true Joy in this life. In a moment like some of the moments I've experienced in the last two years, I've felt like nothing good was going to happen for me ever again. One response to that, after you've fully understood that that's how you're acting, is to say NO! I deserve to be happy! And you'd be right, you absolutely deserve that. The next step is to determine the extent that you are willing to go to see yourself pleased. I hope I'm not talking in too many circles, but my point is simply this: there is a limit to how much you can be satisfied before you start taking something away from someone else. Consider this quote from an author for Psychology Today, Alain de Botton:
A degree of repression is necessary for both the mental health of our species and the adequate functioning of a decently ordered society. We are chaotic chemical propositions. We should feel grateful for, and protected by, the knowledge that our external circumstances are often out of line with what we feel; it is a sign that we are probably on the right course. 
Isn't that interesting, as a concept? It is saying don't be dismayed when the feelings we have don't always reconcile with the external world because, realistically, if we all did everything that crossed our minds, much chaos would ensue. Now, I understand that restraint is absolutely not a modern and hip philosophy, and I like to think of my blog as an innovative and fresh environment, but I cannot deny the value of restraint. I also cannot deny how much I value the direction that I believe God offers me. Consider the love verses below: 
4Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud5or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
I can literally only aspire to be this kind of loving all the time, and I can only hope to be loved like this. In a principle of now, I realise that I don't have a guarantee on tomorrow to think about my happiness then. I can't or shouldn't attempt to find joy in the prospect of a well executed plan, but instead should be present in today, in right now. I should understand that I am in this moment, and my environment is looking for and waiting on a response from me, but also that the moments don't last for long, and if I don't act, they happen without me. I should make every effort to enjoy my life, to not wallow in the despair of routine, but revel in the tiny and huge blessings that make up a day. If I don't take the time and make the effort to notice and taste and touch the good in everyday, I may not know that everyday is good. Finally, I have to accept that the ultimate experience of happiness is in the pure experience of love. If my pursuit of happiness encroaches on the experience of this love, I have failed.


Love Is the Greatest
1If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;a but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.