MINE! (On Being Honest & Happier)

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Today I'm thinking about the way most people go through life - being told what they get, and who they are. Did you ever notice how people who go against the grain are ALWAYS known for it? There is this sense of awe and sometimes discomfort that people feel when looking at the individuals who don't fit in because they dare to be different. I've been chewing on the idea of pursuing your dreams for a long time now, and the last few entries at Rantings have been about how you walk towards your dreams, and the labels or pledges that inform your journey. I've spent the most amount of time that I ever have in my life within the last two years thinking about what I want. Now, that sounds pretty egocentric, and in some ways, it just is, but I see so many clients who are literally struggling through life because they don't know the answer to this question. What do you WANT? What do you consider a.) YOURS and b.) to be Your Dream? How much time have you seriously considered this? How much time have you invested in pursuing those things?

This is only egocentric because you are in fact focusing on yourself, but it isn't selfish because you are actually a more pleasant person to be around when you are satisfied and actualised. I also assume that a part of most people's desire is to be a better mother/father/son/daughter/neighbour/friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. Focusing on yourself is not by any means a bad thing if your motivation for focusing there is to be a better human being. Well adjusted human beings tend to be more inclusive, more loving, more present and more involved in the lives of their loved ones and community.

How do you become "well adjusted?" My theory begins with honesty. One of the major causes of people's emotional problems is an inability to face what has happened, what will happen, and a great, crippling fear of what might happen. Therapists have jobs because most people don't naturally pursue the unknown, and that's because it is VERY frightening to go there. As therapists, our job is to take people into the scary unknown in a safe and supportive environment - without judgement or criticism. This leads me to the challenge that everyone can do with a little therapy - whether you go to someone or you face your scary fears on your own, the fact is you'll improve the quality of your life by being honest with yourself in all things. You can't really hide from how you feel, anyway. You can bury your feelings, but they will still find a way to manifest. This way, you'll have the upper hand, because when they do, you won't be surprised or crippled by them.

Another benefit to honesty is that you'll actually know what you want and what you don't. Having clear pictures and boundaries is an excellent way to walk through life, because you'll be sending people clearer messages and you'll also feel more focused and purposeful. Honesty doesn't mean saying everything you think and feel to everyone, but it does mean KNOWING how you think and feel, and sorting through what that means for you in your life right now. This brings me to the title point. When you see the word "Mine," what do you think of? What would you like to be yours? What do you consider yours right now?

My challenge for you this week is to go start being more honest with yourself. One of the easiest ways to start this is to keep a journal. You don't have to love writing to do this, and you don't need to write riveting prose. Why not start with a short list - something like "What I liked about today" or "If I could do five things in life they would be..." and just answer your list title with 3 to 5 items. Try it for a week and tell us how it goes!