Yet

Excited are my eyes, to witness, to witness,
The view from the perch of my own purpose.
Tell me, dear Father,
What I am yet to discover
In me, in me, in me.

A life un-lived is a tragedy,
A dream un-dreamt is inside of me.
Tell me, dear Father,
What I am yet to discover
In me, in me, in me.

Do I see me clearly?
What is in a name?
Tell me, dear Father,
What I am yet to discover
In me, in me, in me.

Wading deeply am I,
In what I was handed,
Tell me, dear Father,
What I am yet to discover
In me, in me, in me.

With arms poised, and stance erect
I look into it all, I am direct:
Tell me, dear Father,
What I am yet to discover
In me, in me, in me.

Yes, excited are my eyes to witness, to witness,
The view from the perch of my own purpose.
Tell me, dear Father,
What I am yet to discover
In me, in me, in me.

MINE! (On Being Honest & Happier)

Source

Today I'm thinking about the way most people go through life - being told what they get, and who they are. Did you ever notice how people who go against the grain are ALWAYS known for it? There is this sense of awe and sometimes discomfort that people feel when looking at the individuals who don't fit in because they dare to be different. I've been chewing on the idea of pursuing your dreams for a long time now, and the last few entries at Rantings have been about how you walk towards your dreams, and the labels or pledges that inform your journey. I've spent the most amount of time that I ever have in my life within the last two years thinking about what I want. Now, that sounds pretty egocentric, and in some ways, it just is, but I see so many clients who are literally struggling through life because they don't know the answer to this question. What do you WANT? What do you consider a.) YOURS and b.) to be Your Dream? How much time have you seriously considered this? How much time have you invested in pursuing those things?

This is only egocentric because you are in fact focusing on yourself, but it isn't selfish because you are actually a more pleasant person to be around when you are satisfied and actualised. I also assume that a part of most people's desire is to be a better mother/father/son/daughter/neighbour/friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. Focusing on yourself is not by any means a bad thing if your motivation for focusing there is to be a better human being. Well adjusted human beings tend to be more inclusive, more loving, more present and more involved in the lives of their loved ones and community.

How do you become "well adjusted?" My theory begins with honesty. One of the major causes of people's emotional problems is an inability to face what has happened, what will happen, and a great, crippling fear of what might happen. Therapists have jobs because most people don't naturally pursue the unknown, and that's because it is VERY frightening to go there. As therapists, our job is to take people into the scary unknown in a safe and supportive environment - without judgement or criticism. This leads me to the challenge that everyone can do with a little therapy - whether you go to someone or you face your scary fears on your own, the fact is you'll improve the quality of your life by being honest with yourself in all things. You can't really hide from how you feel, anyway. You can bury your feelings, but they will still find a way to manifest. This way, you'll have the upper hand, because when they do, you won't be surprised or crippled by them.

Another benefit to honesty is that you'll actually know what you want and what you don't. Having clear pictures and boundaries is an excellent way to walk through life, because you'll be sending people clearer messages and you'll also feel more focused and purposeful. Honesty doesn't mean saying everything you think and feel to everyone, but it does mean KNOWING how you think and feel, and sorting through what that means for you in your life right now. This brings me to the title point. When you see the word "Mine," what do you think of? What would you like to be yours? What do you consider yours right now?

My challenge for you this week is to go start being more honest with yourself. One of the easiest ways to start this is to keep a journal. You don't have to love writing to do this, and you don't need to write riveting prose. Why not start with a short list - something like "What I liked about today" or "If I could do five things in life they would be..." and just answer your list title with 3 to 5 items. Try it for a week and tell us how it goes!

What we Pledge

Above are the pledges of three countries that I consider home, in the order in which I've lived there. Today, I'm thinking about what personal pledges we choose. Most people don't consciously follow a pledge per se, but if you thought about it, you could probably come up with some beliefs (in therapy we call them your core beliefs) that you are using to inform your life. What are yours? 

God is not a Genie

Source

This week, I've been thinking about the way we go through life. As far as I've seen it, there are two main types of people. There are the people who encounter life - they see what happens everyday and don't think that anything is set in stone; they don't spend loads of time thinking about what a series of events means, they just live life. Then, you have the Mes of the world - people who think EVERYTHING is rich and pungent with meaning and the very experience of existence is both incredibly rewarding, and an immense burden of thought.

If you believe in God and especially if you come from a Christian persuasion, you would have had several encounters with the concept of "Having faith," or "Ask God..." doctrine. I myself am no stranger to the "What does God have for me in my life" question. I am an individual as far as my belief in and relationship with God, but I am not quite so independent within that relationship. With God, I don't exert independence as a priority like I do in other relationships, and lately I've been wondering whether there was something to think about in that.

I've referred to the story of the talents before, because it is definitely one that I use to inform the way I navigate life, but I was exploring the idea that there is more to it than I originally gave it credit for. So for the types of people who "see what happens" in life, they're more fun loving, more spontaneous and less angsty and existential, but they are also more likely to not think about the impact they make and the legacy they're leaving on the world. The existentialists of the world might be more focused on intentional living (creating some meaning for themselves), but are consumed with the "what" questions, and they can become depressed by the futility that does come with our humanity.

I was thinking about what happened here this weekend and what happened in my life in the last two years, and I am believing more and more that God holds us to that talents story with every aspect of our lives. Consider the following verse of scripture, telling us how to find peace:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:6-7)

I saw a different side of this really well known scripture in the last few weeks. I realised that you can't ask God for something, unless you know what it is. I see a lot of clients who are trying to figure something big out. They are in therapy because they know they have a behaviour that doesn't demonstrate their best self, but they need help in bringing to the surface what made them do the behaviour in the first place. Lately I've been meditating on the above scripture, and I have come to believe that there are several responsibilities given in the message.

1.): Don't set up shop in your worries
I think there is quite a functional instruction in there - sometimes the very idea of being this upset is upsetting, and we fret over the immensity of our feelings. I think "Be anxious for nothing" doesn't mean that anxiety is not of God, I think it means that you shouldn't stop there. If you encounter yourself as anxious about something, then this scripture reminds us not to take ownership of it. The way I see that working is addressed in the next stage of the responsibility:

2.) Understand yourself.
"Present your requests to God." I see something really important in this suggestion - you can either assume that God is a genie, and you have countless wishes, in which case you can ask God "MAKE ME HAPPY!" or "TAKE ALL MY PROBLEMS AWAY, NOW GOD!" or you can assume that this means there is a certain level of responsibility involved in what you feel. If you're anxious about something, do you know precisely what it is, and why it makes you anxious? This may seem basic, but most of us don't immediately know this, but have to take some introspection time to figure it out (or go to therapy).

3.) Add God. 
I think that God doesn't necessarily separate us from our dreams, but I do think that God wants us to pursue the dreams He's given us through Him. I do believe that there are sinister paths just like there are virtuous ones, and even the pursuit of our dreams can become sinister if we do so solely for the purpose of our own happiness. "But in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." I think this passage is saying that God should be a fundamental part of everything we do. God is the ultimate therapist - you can release your expectations, your anxiety, your disappointment and your unmet hopes to God. If after an introspective look at yourself you need to vent, God is The unbiased, all knowing listener. Also, if you thank God for what He has blessed you with, you improve the quality of your existence. There are many studies that support this, counting one's blessings is a known effector of how a person feels day to day.

4.) Accept Peace.
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Here is where I see FREEDOM. This is an excellent parallel to therapy, in a much greater scale. One of the liberating things about psychotherapy is that you get to tell a non-judgemental,  unbiased individual who is there to give you unconditional positive regard, the deepest, most troubling truths and fears you have about yourself. Instead of having to walk around with the burden of your secret thoughts, you get to release them. You have an opportunity to look at yourself in a space where no one will use it against you, but might even offer an insight or perspective that helps you move forward. I think God offers this in a way that transcends anything a therapist can do, because unlike your therapist, God fully understands your heart and the desires within it.

I see freedom in this behaviour pattern because nothing seems to tie people up in knots more than unvoiced fears and unmet expectations. Nothing seems to cause more anxiety than an unknown consequence to our secret thoughts. Imagine living in a world where you can admit to your private fears, look directly at them with a trusted Other (as scared as you are to be truly seen) and find yourself not only loved, but protected in a peace that promises to guard your heart and mind. That is a lot more involved and gritty than making a wish of your personal genie, but it means then that you are a true part of what happens in your life. It means that you have a real opportunity to learn and grow from every piece of your private baggage.