Lately, I've been on a personal reflection rampage. I'm about to start a small private practice in a health clinic, and as a part of good practice, I've been trying to face some of my own emotional issues before I open my doors. There is something both petrifying and deeply, deeply satisfying about discovering, and then airing your dirty laundry. On the one hand, you feel as though you must be too broken to function normally ever again, but in a more lucid moment you realise that dealing with the difficult things will actually make you a better, and more complete (whole) person.
The research suggests that many people report improvements in their mental state early into therapy, regardless of what therapeutic technique is being used. Why is this? The most common theory is that the very act of voicing your feelings is therapeutic and healing. In my own life, I've been dancing around an undulating emotional land, and that has been disconcerting, to say the least (I don't dance). The really interesting thing though, is that I have learnt so much about myself, my past, and about where I stand in the scheme of things.
A piece of personal truth? I am very much of the mindset that you (and I) should happen to life, but I did not believe that I could change the emotional response that other people gave me. I believed that patterns from my past were my emotional destiny. I thought this and I preached the precise opposite! How completely hypocritical! Well, if you'll all forgive my ignorance, I'll tell you what I'm learning. I am freshly coming into the understanding that I can look those emotional deficiencies in the face, I can look directly at the personal disappointments of my past relationships, and I can say "This happened, it hurt, but it isn't who I am." In this situation, it is more about what you let those relationships teach you about yourself. Did you walk out or grow into them believing that those areas where needs of yours were not being met were areas where you expected too much, or where the output of most people in the world would never reach the input that you needed? I admit that I took home this message sometimes, and it was killing me!
Imagine coming to the point where you understand that what you thought was admirable self-sacrifice was really more like self-abuse, and that you were helping yourself out of personal satisfaction with that belief? What I am learning is that you exist, everyday. What I mean by that is that if you do not attend to your personal, internal, secret needs, it does not make them stop existing. I watched a really interesting TED talk the other day on vulnerability by Dr. Brené Brown where she pointed out this idea that human beings have a tendency to try to suppress negative emotions, but that it was impossible to be selective when attempting to suppress feelings. The result? Generally, being less feeling and expressing the negative experiences through physical health issues - obesity, heart problems etc. and NOT experiencing the positive emotions as much, either. Her premise was that the people who were more able to admit to their feelings (both bad and good) and their needs were the people who believed more completely that they deserved to be heard and to have their needs met.
I am personally hit by that, as well as really interested in the idea. This blog is about being genuine and in endless pursuit of your best self. As a result, I am excited to tell you that I have had to wrestle with some of this in my own life; I am proud to say that I've learned something, and I am working everyday to be more comfortable saying to my world "this is me, and what I would like is..." It isn't about being selfish, but it is about being honest. You exist, and the people who love you really, really want you to. You add value, and when you make yourself vulnerable this way, you also make yourself a little more real.
The research suggests that many people report improvements in their mental state early into therapy, regardless of what therapeutic technique is being used. Why is this? The most common theory is that the very act of voicing your feelings is therapeutic and healing. In my own life, I've been dancing around an undulating emotional land, and that has been disconcerting, to say the least (I don't dance). The really interesting thing though, is that I have learnt so much about myself, my past, and about where I stand in the scheme of things.
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Imagine coming to the point where you understand that what you thought was admirable self-sacrifice was really more like self-abuse, and that you were helping yourself out of personal satisfaction with that belief? What I am learning is that you exist, everyday. What I mean by that is that if you do not attend to your personal, internal, secret needs, it does not make them stop existing. I watched a really interesting TED talk the other day on vulnerability by Dr. Brené Brown where she pointed out this idea that human beings have a tendency to try to suppress negative emotions, but that it was impossible to be selective when attempting to suppress feelings. The result? Generally, being less feeling and expressing the negative experiences through physical health issues - obesity, heart problems etc. and NOT experiencing the positive emotions as much, either. Her premise was that the people who were more able to admit to their feelings (both bad and good) and their needs were the people who believed more completely that they deserved to be heard and to have their needs met.
I am personally hit by that, as well as really interested in the idea. This blog is about being genuine and in endless pursuit of your best self. As a result, I am excited to tell you that I have had to wrestle with some of this in my own life; I am proud to say that I've learned something, and I am working everyday to be more comfortable saying to my world "this is me, and what I would like is..." It isn't about being selfish, but it is about being honest. You exist, and the people who love you really, really want you to. You add value, and when you make yourself vulnerable this way, you also make yourself a little more real.
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