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Sunday, 25 March 2012

And if Life is Not a Race?

I am, like most people, a wounded being. I am the culmination of what I have seen, what I have been told, and what I have taken up as my own belief. This week, I've spoken to a couple different people who were telling me that I could definitely stand to be a little more risky in my behaviour. I have lived life as though it was a race, a race where all of my opponents were me, but if just one me slowed, bent over, or looked back, and fell behind, we'd all lose. I'd lose. I am thankful for the people in my life who don't judge me nearly as harshly as I judge myself.

I've come to reject that mindset in the last few years, but obviously by my friends' commentary, there is still some residue of that way of thinking in my behaviour. I've been wondering lately what life is like, if not a race? I've come up with two possible alternatives - life is either an obstacle course or an Easter egg hunt. The most common place I can think of that uses obstacle courses as a serious part of training is in the military, and at a really important point of a soldier/military person's career as well - new recruit training. A young militia gets the experience of obstacle course training where their superior tells them to get through all the various obstacles (each presenting a unique sort of challenge) all the while being timed. Unlike a race, the point of an obstacle course is not to get to the finish line, but to have overcome all the obstacles. Similarly, an Easter egg hunt involves locating a number of hidden treats throughout a designated area. You can finish before or after other people who were in the hunt, yes, but the real value of an Easter egg hunt is having found as many treats as possible at the end - a basket full, if all goes well.

Or perhaps it could be both, at the same time
I really like thinking of life as both the obstacle course and the Easter egg hunt. Each obstacle is good training for what is to come in the future. My goal is to master my obstacles, the things that challenge me, and  maybe even frighten me - if I can overcome them now, the next time I encounter them I'll know what to do, and my body will be prepared. I also want to be the kid with the basket who's having a good ole time running ten miles away from everyone else to check out a thatch of grass over to the left there. I want to get the eggs no one even thought to look for. My basket's going to get full too, because quirky Aunty Selma who hid those eggs is a very, very independent thinker, and she hid these eggs in bizarre and outlandish places, just for the me's in the hunt.  

So, if life stopped being a race, a desperate sprint of energy, hopefully just enough to get you over the finish line, then what would it become, and how would that change things? For me, the change is that the target moves from the end to all the little parts of now. For me, I am looking for those obstacles to overcome and the treats to collect. Over the next rope ladder could be a dark chocolate, Lindt egg <drools>. I want to make sure that I am touching every part of the life that I have. I really want to know that at the end of my life, there aren't things that I just overlooked because I was too busy hustling through to notice. Life becomes a constantly happening thing, where the goals are not in the distance, but right here, staring at me, and I become active in what is happening now. I must take ownership of life and responsibility to look around, to see and to experience. 

This is my life, and I put my mark on it.

Source

Sunday, 18 March 2012

On Being Fluid

Today is an extension of last week's post on a flexible self-concept. I decided the first thing I'd do was explore the properties of a fluid, as a point of reference for this post.

Densities of Solid, Liquid, and Gaseous Forms of Three Elements

Solid (g/cm3)Liquid (g/cm3)Gas (g/cm3)
Ar1.651.400.001784
N21.0260.80810.001251
O21.4261.1490.001429
The figure below shows a model for the structure of a liquid that is consistent with these data.
The key points of this model are summarized below.
  • The particles that form a liquid are relatively close together, but not as close together as the particles in the corresponding solid.
  • The particles in a liquid have more kinetic energy than the particles in the corresponding solid.
  • As a result, the particles in a liquid move faster in terms of vibration, rotation, and translation.
  • Because they are moving faster, the particles in the liquid occupy more space, and the liquid is less dense than the corresponding solid.
  • Differences in kinetic energy alone cannot explain the relative densities of liquids and solids. This model therefore assumes that there are small, particle-sized holes randomly distributed through the liquid.
  • Particles that are close to one of these holes behave in much the same way as particles in a gas, those that are far from a hole act more like the particles in a solid.
So, what I've gathered is that part of what makes something a fluid, is its density, its kinetic energy and the theory that there are spaces in the element, about the size of particles that influence the behaviour of the fluid (to be more like a solid or more like a gas). This is interesting for me in my little quest to be more fluid because a fluid has more kinetic energy, which means it can move faster than a solid (a concrete, unchanging self), a fluid can actually occupy more space at one time, and if the "holes" in the element (me) really do exist, then I can get excited about these as areas where I might be moving into another state (or may take on the appearance of another state, more solid, or more gaseous).

Source
I want to be a person who is able to touch a greater surface area than my solid, concrete self might have. I want to be in pursuit, able to move swiftly into and out of situations and seasons, a direct result of my fluidity. I would really welcome being less dense. The idea, also, of being prepared that I have some holes in me that may mean I'm less like a fluid and more like a solid, less like a fluid and more like a gas, is kind of helpful. It means I don't have to despair when I inevitably discover that I am not exactly who I thought I was, but someone else, when I realise that I am bull headed about something that really, it would improve my life to become less dense about. It would help me to realise that in some areas of my life where I feel like a part of me feels airy and widely dispersed, that is the way it ought to be - some parts sway more gaseous or solid than the fluid me. The thing I can control though, is the places that I travel, the temperatures, if you will, that I entertain, knowing the effect they will have on my state.

So, in this analogy, temperature is the input to change my state, and temperature is my environment. What temperatures are helpful or harmful? If the goal is to remain fluid, then I can't allow myself to become frozen. Sometimes people help one to become frozen, and sometimes, I think living in fear keeps me frozen. So, one guard is against this mental temperature - imposed by me, or on me: I won't be afraid to be. Likewise, being gaseous means I may have dispersed too liberally, and I may lose some of my consistency. I can't allow heat to disperse me beyond recognition. I think it is those crises seasons that represent heat, and your response to them is the level of dispersal. Have you maintained yourself at the end of crisis? In an argument, have you said exactly what you meant and maintained your values? Or, did you regret some behaviour? This is the heat and everyone's behaviour is bound to get a little gaseous in this situation. My theory is just that self-monitoring is important.

For the last two weeks I've been working with teams on being the change they'd like to see in the workplace. We've been talking about everything from the fact that occasionally you have to maintain vision even when people around you have lost focus, to the stressful role of leadership, especially visionary leadership to see what is coming before it is upon the masses, and I like this analogy in that example too. Now, where do you see yourself going? The fluid state is the one I pick for myself, because it is the state most receptive to its environment, by my understanding. I'm not saying be passive, and let life happen to you, but I am saying be available to the life around you. Take up as much space as you can in the world in the sense that you are influencing, that you are present and people experience you easily. Find your perfect temperature, and balance yourself. Believe that you have good inside of you and that the world would benefit greatly from your presence in a state that moves quickly, is vast, and that understands its own holes. 

Sunday, 11 March 2012

Dreams Versus Identity

Last Sunday's post explored the idea that if you are who you say you are then you don't need to live in fear. I would like to amend that slightly, or at the very least, build on it. Today I am thinking about the difference between what you know to be your identity, and what you see as your future.

You know what I've suddenly begun to accept? I am not nearly as concrete as I once imagined. For the majority of my life, I will admit to you, I thought that the more consistent you were in terms of your goals, the success of your relationships and of your plans, the better you were doing at life. I am beginning to change my mind about this. Now, let me put some qualifiers on that statement before you go away thinking I'm saying it is better to be a flake than to be consistent... I'm not. I am saying that if you are a really structured person like I am, then you are probably more fluid than you realise. Some measure of consistency (read: follow through) is good, especially if you have the tendency to be a little bit uncommitted, but holding on to everything you thought you were simply because that is what you think you are supposed to do, I think, is not good.

Source
What I am learning lately is that it isn't just life that is full of surprises. I'm learning that I am full of surprises. In the troublesome year that I've just been through in 2011, the thing that I struggled with most was the change of plans. I have been wrestling ceaselessly with the loss of what I thought was an element of my identity - my dreams for the future. I had a relatively clear picture of what I thought I wanted and I rejected the life in front of me because I couldn't see how this current reality would lead me to the dream I had conjured. That is misery, by the way.

I am learning that often, you have to fight your current reality because it isn't good enough, it isn't healthy, or it is damaging, but sometimes you have to fight your concept of a dream as 'who you will become,' because it is damaging or unhealthy. Now, this may sound a little incongruent to the fundamental message of this blog, but stay with me. I am still saying look for yourself every day that you live, I am still saying that you have a value that no one else has, and that you need to admit to your dreams and pursue them, but I am also saying that nothing is as straightforward as it first appears. I am saying that sometimes, in order to live the life that I believe God intended for you, you have to let go of what you thought was the dream that defined your future identity and see if you couldn't be something else.

Now, this is an unnatural idea, even to me as I'm writing it; I'm still wrapping my mind around it. Imagine being secure enough in who you are to let go of what you thought you could be. Imagine letting go of a dream when you haven't yet replaced it with a new one, contented to be assured that you could definitely be something else, something better. Imagine what your faith would look like if this was something you could do.

<< Proverbs 3 >>
New Living Translation
 

Trusting in the LORD
1My child,a never forget the things I have taught you.
Store my commands in your heart.
2If you do this, you will live many years,
and your life will be satisfying.
3Never let loyalty and kindness leave you!
Tie them around your neck as a reminder.
Write them deep within your heart.
4Then you will find favor with both God and people,
and you will earn a good reputation.
5Trust in the LORD with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.

Sunday, 4 March 2012

Mentally "Green"

 If You Are What You Say You Are... then: Have no Fear.

The closing lyric of a Lupe Fiasco (Featuring Matthew Santos) song struck me as I was driving home from work one day last week. If you are what you say you are, then have no fear? This is an interesting concept, and both somewhat unrealistic, while fundamentally true. I am thankful for diverse creativity.

People's underlying insecurities are often the cause of interpersonal conflict, according to most psychology researchers and sometimes, the behaviours we find ourselves repeating - with negative consequences - are the things we are using to hide aspects of ourselves that we would prefer people not see, or know about. The negative consequences are usually because it isn't as easy to hide as we would like to believe, and we are insecure because we are injured, somehow wounded by the "thing". Even if you manage to mask the actual source of your insecurity, most people can tell when something about a person just doesn't ring true.

This is what I got from those words, and liked: there is nothing to be afraid of if you are being genuine - there  is no risk of being found out, because you've already said exactly who you are. Now the difficult thing about that is this: who is that, exactly? I embrace the idea that anyone can be seriously asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" It is life giving to me to think that there is always more to learn, to grow into, to achieve, to see, and to discover that you love. The truth of it is though, it is harder to be in a position to do this when you haven't even figured out the first thing about yourself, and who that is.

Source

As I was reading through some current event websites, the idea of being "mentally green" came to me. Sustainable development is a hot topic these days with the prospect of energy costs being too high, or energy sources diminishing and being harmful to boot. As I reflected on how many people don't know who they truly are, and how much this can hurt personal and professional relationships, I began thinking about what it would mean to have sustainable development of mind. Just like the world is in a panic about whether we will be able to maintain the levels of energy we expend today, if we continue using the same sources, and whether our world will last for our children if we continue using these sources of power, I wonder if people should look at themselves and ask the same thing.

Someone discovered that while the entire oil industry is a lucrative and realistic source of energy right now, it could be killing our planet. The world has been in various layers of hype ever since - reduce, reuse, recycle! Go Green! If our source of energy is diminished, then how can we develop? A gas-fuelled car with an empty tank is of very little use. Similarly, if a person is using great energy to prove that they are something that they are not, how long can that be maintained? My theory is that there is sustainable human energy, and mental energy that is finite.

I believe that any mental illness is an example of broken down development. Somewhere along the line, the individual has devoted a majority of their energy in an area that keeps them in a loop, rather than helping them to move forward. It is any instance where much energy is being expended, but the result puts the person at risk of damage, or the energy itself is harmful to the individual. It is not sustainable. Consider this: have you ever found yourself sabotaging a relationship you were in? Have you ever found yourself repeatedly having the same problem, and you could note that it was a pattern, but you couldn't seem to stop? To me, that's the hole in your ozone layer, and we all have one (or a few).

The idea is to know more about the person, in order to be who we say we are. Geologists, engineers and physicists work day and night to learn more about matter, about the properties of the world that contains us so that they might find a way to maintain the development that we all demand, while being able to sustain the natural environment. I think people need to do the same thing. Learn about yourself; your vulnerabilities, the things that damage you (behaviour, relationships, people or conversations) and go green! Where you would have spent your energy defending a criticism, look at it instead - is it true? Can you work on it? Can you come to terms with it? Is it false? Can you let it go? Where you see flaws in yourself, can you find sustainable energy sources to deal with them?

My challenge this week is on being mentally green. I am going to be looking for sustainable development of mind. I am looking to utilise an energy source that I can keep holding on to, that is renewable, safe, efficient and sufficient to power me through my development. I can already identify some of my own green energy sources: my Faith is clearly my leading, green, renewable resource. My belief in an infinite, omniscient God settles my restless, nihilistic self. Another green energy source of mine: nature - have you ever seen anything more fascinating in your whole life? On evenings as I drive home, I take the more traffic laden route, because the highway is parallel to the ocean on one side, and mountains on the other. This gives me life. In a few years, I plan a trip to climb Mount Kilimanjaro; this excites me endlessly and is something that propels me forward.

What is your Mentally Green energy source?