Five: A Decision

So I've been writing about how I'm having fun each day. Yesterday's post was challenged a bit by some of our regulars, because I didn't explicitly say "This ____ is how I'm having fun today," but the idea behind that post was that sometimes it's a special kind of joy to know that you are enough, you have enough and that you are beautiful just the way you are. That doesn't mean that you don't need to continue learning and growing, but it is meant to address the tendency in us humans to think that we are incomplete without some representation of happiness (a new car, new job, new location). We are incomplete, in my opinion, but not because of the things we don't have. In  my mind we are incomplete until we can witness and understand eternity. Until we can witness and understand God, we are incomplete, and nothing on this earth will make us feel finished, except, perhaps, the moments where we encounter God.

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I subscribe to the principle that "God is good, all the time" and also that God is Omnipresent, or everywhere. That means for me, that in every moment of the day, I should be able to experience God. That is MUCH easier said than done, but I'm consciously pursuing good in every moment. This morning, I didn't want to get up to go to work, but I did it anyway. The good I found was in seeing my best friend and drinking the coffee she made me when I got to work. I also found good when I saw my mum this morning and she told me to have a good day. These may seem like mundane things, or maybe just routine things, but I want to treasure every moment of my life. Yesterday I got a certificate from my company that states how much my life is insured for, and who would be my beneficiary in the event of my demise. Morbid stuff, I know, but when I think about the end of my life, I think about the people that I love, and the impact I would have made on the world while I was here. I am the most blessed of people to have the family and loved ones that I do. I should bake God a pie for the people He gave me.

So today I am having fun by choosing to see the good. There are a lot of things that I'm not satisfied with, but it is SO easy to talk about those things. It seems cliché, or really over the top to say that I'm thankful for my family and my loved ones, but I'm really thankful. I'm also living on a tropical paradise right now, where wild parrots fly across the sky in pairs and ocean breeze kisses my face when I walk out of my apartment. I am waiting on a LOT of other goods to come my way, but seriously, what if I died today? What if the good I have now is all I had time for? You and I better take a long look around and taste, smell, touch and see all the good that is right in front of our faces, before it's gone.

Make your plans and build your dreams, but don't disregard today. Just look at how good it is.

Day 4: A Masterpiece

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Eph. 2:10 - “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

So, the above is a bible verse that says that you and I are masterpieces of God. I believe that wholeheartedly, which is a special liberation for me because in those inevitable moments where I feel invalid (in whatever capacity), I can reflect that I am not a mistake, and hence, there is more to be seen than I do in that moment. Even if you have no belief in God, and instead think that you exist solely because of the process of natural selection, it means that you exist today because your features, your traits and characteristics were superior and made you better adapted to survive your environment. Imagine this: whether you believe in God or in a spontaneous natural process of evolution, the fact that you survived to this moment means that you have what it takes to do so. 

If you believe that you are a fine specimen of everything you are supposed to be, that doesn't mean you have everything all set. Actually, if you are a masterpiece it means that you should take care of your surfaces, it means that exposure to extreme temperatures may dull your beauty and you may need to be touched up. The challenge for you and I, masterpieces that we are, is to make sure that the conditions in which we are kept and the means by which we are restored do not compromise the original work of art. 

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The above is a Spanish painting (Ecce Homo, or Behold the Man) originally completed by artist Elias Garcia Martinez in the 1800s, an endeavour commissioned by the church that it has been in for more than 100 years. Recently (August, 2012), an 80 year old woman took it upon herself to restore the painting (picture on the right). Apparently, critics have taken to calling the painting "Ecce Mono" or Behold the Monkey, because of the extent to which the church patron altered the work. 

To go back to our ideas about Masterpieces, some amount of supervision is necessary when you restore yourself to your original glory. If light and moisture (read: the stresses of life) make your colours less brilliant, or etch holes in your canvas, you must be restored. In doing so though, you have to protect the integrity of your original work. To use the natural selection argument, if you find your old methods no longer sustainable, or the practices no longer produce food for you and your family, then you have to evolve. In either stance, you must follow a trusted path to restoration, lest you transform or evolve into something altogether separate from your original self. 

My position is that you have good inside of you. It is that the deep seated person that only you know about is the one that needs to come out. People walk by and they add a brush stroke here or a hostile environment there and these things show up on us when our colours start becoming dull. When people can't really describe you when asked, or when they describe you and you don't recognise the person that they've illustrated, then you know you're starting to fade. It's time to be restored. 

Do you know where your good restoration is? The kind that will take you back to your original glory? Today I'm thinking about this question, because ultimately this suggests that I am enough, I have enough and who I am originally is beautiful. 

I believe this of you, too. 

Having Fun: Day 3

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I don't know what you thought of yesterday's post, whether you thought it was simplistic, just not that inspiring, or if you "got it," but I'm actively trying to simplify things. Today, I'm declaring my "funs" so far. Remember the last few posts about activating a principle of NOW in life? I'm finding this quite liberating, because it means that there is good in every moment, and I am giving myself an opportunity to see and do good in the present tense. For me, this has meant that in my professional life, I am no longer a victim of annoying circumstances, and I have a responsibility to myself to do better where better can be done.

In my case, I have an incarcerated book author deep inside of me who has attempted three escapes so far. That's a part of me that isn't being actualised, and I have blamed my professional circumstances on that because I thought if only I had more time, or a more relevant context, then I could write more. NOW. One of the things that makes us feel we aren't living life is doing things mostly out of function, rather than fit. Are you spending any time doing the things that you yearn for? Do you know what you yearn for? I yearn for several things, and one thing that I have identified clearly is to finish and publish the book(s) that bubble(s) in me. I've started writing again, and I went to work this morning feeling a lot less resentful. My message for the day is don't let your environment steal your joy. We all feel at one point or another like people, circumstances or obligations hold us back from something, but I'm saying take one step. I'm saying that there is something right now that you know clearly that you wish you could do, but you don't do it because you feel like something is holding you back.

Don't let let life be your excuse for not having a life.

FUN.

I've decided to make an active choice to have FUN for the rest of the year. This is my challenge for you. Everyday, for the rest of the year, I'm going to account to you about how I had fun. Starting on December 1: I flew to the island of Tobago for the weekend with my parents, my brother, his wife and my best friend. Does that count as two days? In case you don't think it does, I played with my mother's cocker spaniels and took a few minutes to watch the ocean view from my balcony. Now, in case you think these are small things, my colleague at work has already told me that I look radiant with happiness. Do you want to come with me? Let's actively enjoy our lives everyday.

On Being Fluid (Part 2): The Principle of Now

This is probably going to sound a little weird to you, but when I was growing up, I really struggled with the idea of heaven. All the Sunday school teachers in my life ever said to describe it was that it was a lovely place with streets of gold, clouds and pearly gates. All I could think to my pre-teen self was that that didn't sound better than earth. Actually, in my most honest moments, I wondered if heaven was a really boring place with clouds and gold streets (for whatever reason). I felt very guilty about this feeling for a very long time, until I looked around at beautiful earth, I experienced God so well in the beauty of earth, and I became convinced that heaven could not be a supernatural place in the sky where gold streets, clouds and passed-on people went if they were good. I decided at some point that heaven had to have more spectacular waterfalls than Iguazu, that there were probably more beautiful sights than the Maracas Lookout, and that there must be social interactions, only they would be missing the clumsy fumbles of our humanity (no misinterpretations, misunderstandings or mis-speech). This helped me so much to think of heaven as a place with more perfect versions of things I understand (like scenery and relationships) because I honestly wondered what we would be doing in a place that has no manifestation other than the spiritual, save some precious metal and stone.

Perhaps the biggest selling point of heaven is that we have an undiluted experience of God. THAT is heavenly to me, but I was unresolved about an ETERNITY without an occupation. Perhaps my clumsy, foolish and uninformed mind cannot conceptualise the true presence of God, and how my spiritual self would be very satisfied to just sit at His feet, but I'd like to think there's more to it than that. I'd like to think that the same way on earth, I have skills and value that only I bring (just like you!), that would also be true in heaven. Recently, I was listening to some men talk about "Now" as a principle, and the idea that in heaven, there is no real concept of time - we would finally experience God in realtime (right here, right now). It's not that we can't experience God here on earth, but it's almost as though we're talking to God on chat, so sometimes what is relayed is not what we receive. Sometimes we wish we could have a tangible indication that this is the right choice/decision/person/job but all we have to go on are our notions, which are part God, part self, part parents and part <insert endless other influences here>. 

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Several months ago, I wrote a post on being more flexible to the elements of life, where the external stressors and personal pressures we put on ourselves become like the temperature, or other condition that causes us to change states - we can be fluid (able to move quickly), frozen (rigid, tightly packed and immovable) or gaseous (widely dispersed). This is in response to a natural tendency of mine to become compulsive in my use, adherence and dependence on perfect planning. I think I'm a lot better about this now, but I'm still learning how little I can really, truly know, and hence plan for. I thought about those men saying that there is no concept of time in heaven and I once again, using my human principles of time and occupation and my flaw of compulsive planning,became very anxious about this heaven picture I originally saw. What on EARTH are we going to do with an eternity? The compulsive planner in me became fatigued. Then, I considered the concept of NOW. If all that exists was now then there would be nothing to plan for. In a timeless heaven a compulsive me would not be endlessly looking forward to when my plans were actualised because I'd be experiencing God in my own perfect state. I'd be experiencing God in every moment, and I wouldn't be waiting.

I experienced much liberation in this, because I thought to myself "I could use joy like that in this earthly life." I thought to myself that if I could look for opportunities to experience God in every moment, if I could mimic the heaven experience then I'd probably get more out of my earthly life. I'm not saying you shouldn't write a will or save your money, but I am saying that there's a special pleasure in NOW. I'm saying that we probably shouldn't wait around for life to get good. I'm saying that life is good RIGHT NOW, and our job is to find out how. 

Rumbly in My Tumbly: The Blessing of Restlessness

Does your tummy rumble? While Winnie the Pooh up there is interested in some honey, I'm thinking about a slightly different sustenance. Last post I talked about being brave enough to stop doing what you're doing long enough to hear yourself think and feel. Ever since I could remember, I've just kind of encountered these bouts of restlessness as I walked through my life. I'd be on my path, doing what I needed to do when my hunger pangs for something more would make it impossible for me to stay the same. I wouldn't always know what exactly needed to change, but I'd become increasingly aware that there was more than this. 

Does that happen to you? You might call it an angsty and unfortunate thing, because it always means that at that moment, you're unhappy with your life (maybe not entirely but with some major aspect) and the result is this feeling that something has to give. You might think of it as a negative, but I don't.

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"Fire in my belly"

Someone once said that I had "fire in my belly," and I've been trying to figure out what that means ever since. I like it as a description I think, because it feels as out of control as I do in those moments of restlessness. Lately I've been thinking of that expression again, and wondering if there isn't something to that. I'm wondering if everyone doesn't have fire in their bellies?

Stay with me while I flesh this one out. What if the fire is there to keep us going, and if you don't put the right fuel in, you'll get some indication that your internal engine isn't running right? If you're familiar with me or this blog, you'll know that I'm fairly obsessed with purpose and finding your unique value to the world. Lately I've been doing the ants in my pants dance because a fresh bout of restlessness has hit. I have been trying to figure out what the benefit of those bouts is for me. I have realised that EVERY big move of my life has been preceded by bouts of unbearable restlessness, and I am so grateful for each one. Here's why:

1.) Unbearable restlessness is the kind of nagging feeling that propels you to make a change. 
If you're the kind of person who knows exactly what you want and where you're going then this feeling will either depress you (if it feels hopeless to change), or it'll push you over the edge to make a decision. If you're NOT the type of person that makes detailed plans and knows what you want to see happen next, then this will probably mean that your restlessness will show up in how you cope with what you're faced with. It'll either make you anxious (about the future), or it'll let you know that crunch time is here, and what you've been taking your pretty time with you need to move on.

2.) The right fuel makes the journey possible. 
If you put diesel in a gas running car or vice versa, you might get a mile before your engine starts running funny and making a lot of noise. Then, you'll need to tow your car to a place that can remove the wrong fuel and do damage control for you before putting in the right stuff. I think we humans are like that, too. If you are meant to be working with your hands and find yourself doing actuary projections at an insurance company, the chances are your internal engine will be screaming bloody murder. I'll be the first to admit to my secret, deep seated idealism, but let me say this next thing. I think that every person has all of these little portions of self that make up the whole fire. What I mean is that there's going to be a little rumbling for the artist in someone, the comedian, the mother, etc. This is a similar concept to the one I talked about in this post. If you're feeling uncomfortable in your own skin, one of the first questions I'll have for you is what are you running on?

3.) Asking questions gets us closer.
It's a theme of most, if not all of the posts at Rantings to continuously question, especially when it comes to what is going on in your head and heart. Do you know if you're restless? Or do you just have an inexplicable conflict with your partner? Or, are you just not sleeping well? Are you satisfied? How so? I'm not going to go on, but one really crucial principle that I'm learning in life is that EVERY question will never be answered, and I need to consider that very seriously as I navigate my life. I should never become so convinced that I fail to inquire. I should never presume to be categorically informed when all I've really done is interpreted.

I hope this post isn't too basic for you, but these are my three main celebrations where Restlessness is concerned. Without restlessness I wouldn't be motivated to change (and grow hopefully!), without restlessness I wouldn't pause to look at what I'm fueling myself with, and without examining my fuel, I won't be in a position to question what would drive me forward. So if you too have some ants in your pants or a rumbly in your tumbly, today's post is a challenge to see the restlessness as a blessing. It means that you're a fighter and you aren't just standing with your bowl wondering what life will put into it. Why not question what kind of engine you're running, and what fuel propels you, and has you running smoothly? Why not seriously consider what might make you feel more settled or satisfied? You absolutely deserve to go after those things, so don't let anyone tell you you can't. Find your good and go for it!

I'm a tired Girl!

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Okay, so this isn't a real post, but kind of a little marker that says "WATCH THIS SPACE!" It's been three weeks since I posted because I have a lot going on right now. There are things that I'd love to be telling you about, but I have to keep it on the DL for a few more months. In the meantime I'm going to gloat about the fact that in one week, I get to see my very best friend, and some other dear friends! I'm taking a VACATION! I'm the most tired of girls, and could not think of a better thing to be happening! I have a riveting and insightful piece coming your way about the Principle of Now, that I hope you'll enjoy.

In the meantime, here's my challenge for you: do you know when to take a step back? In this lovely world we live in, sometimes it seems like an irresponsible thing to set ALL the balls we've been juggling down on a comfy chair and focus on what our bodies and our minds are saying. That's sometimes THE MOST responsible thing we can do. So wherever you are, whatever you're doing right now...

Have you realised how important you are, today? 

Have you told your loved ones how much you love them?

When was the last time you giggled? 

When was the last time you danced in an embarrassing way because you were alone and just felt like it?

Go NOW! Go QUICKLY!